This pic was taken in the front row of the Paddock. A place that changed my life because of a band that changed my life. Mr. Greengenes. They transformed me. Or maybe I transformed me but it was in part, due to them. In the beginning of the summer of 2008, I was angry, newly divorced, frumpy (ok, super fat), and insecure. My dad and my brother and I went to the Paddock on a Monday night to see this band that we'd heard was an awesome cover band. They were indeed, pretty freakin' awesome. They did The Pot by tool. THE POT!!! I fell in love.
JP and I started going to as many of their shows we could get to. OCMD, downtown, western maryland, philly, aston, wherever. At first, I stood in the back. I was intimidated by the front. So many beautiful thin girls looking like they belonged there. But JP wasn't having it. We threw bows and mushed our way to the front. We started seeing regulars. I friended the band on Myspace (hey remember Myspace? heh).
Then two things happened. First, JP and I went to a show at champions bar somewhere west. Frederick or Cumberland or somewhere over there. It wasn't super crowded and the stage wasn't really a stage but just squared off area where the guys set up. JP and I went right into the "front" and it was kinda awkward because the band wasn't elevated so we were basically standing right in front of them. And Bryen knew my name. He said, nice to see you all the way out here Saragirl. I was dumbfounded. I felt like I was someone. At that time in my life, I felt like less than nobody. My husband had left me for another woman, I hated my physical self, wasn't too fond of my mental self either and couldn't fathom that someone like Bryen would ever know my name. This guy who took the stage in front of crowds of people, who had energy like that bunny, whose band made me forget that I was unhappy and took me to another place, knew who I was. Made it a point to know my name. Incredible.
Then second thing that happened was the rain. We went to a power plant live show. It was raining and this was before they had that handy roof thingy that they have now. There was hardly anyone there. But the boys played on. And there, in the rain, soaked to the bone, standing up front, I forgot myself. Instead of humming along under my breath and keeping my arms tight at my sides, I sang along, loud and strong. I jumped and fist pumped and never, not once, remembered that I was whale sized or lonely or jacked in the head. It was probably one of the best times I've ever had in my life.
It became my outlet. My escape. My fun. Being in a crowded bar, a noisy messy drunken pack of people while those boys sang those tunes was like a drug. It was wonderful. I met those regulars. I made friends with amazing people. I became part of a group. Part of something. They accepted me and liked me even if I was huge, off kilter, too loud, too abrasive.
And poor Joe. Everyone has their favorite Mr. Greengene. I fixated on Tutlo. Oh that poor guy. His air of indifference and scorn for the drunken hot chicks spilling their beer on his feet, and that head of hair and those hands, MAN! those hands. You would think, just to have a favorite would be enough. Just to mark your territory directly in front of him at every show would have been enough. Oh no. You see, I had just had this huge life altering event happen to me and my daughter, and I was a wee bit insecure and perhaps a notch off the crazy scale and it was clear I needed therapy. But what I got instead was a Tutlo. I sent that guy messages just SPILLING my GUTS. I don't remember half the stuff of what I said to him but I promise you after every myspace private message I sent, I felt a hell of a lot better. I probably owe him a lot of money because I seriously treated him like my own personal therapist. WHO DOES THAT?? He didn't respond, he never acknowledged me, but I'm sure he was terrified of me. That poor fella had to stand on a stage and watch me, watch him, like my own personal little dumping ground of all the crazy shit going through my brain. It's amazing he didn't block me or just come to me one day and say, look, just stop coming to our shows ok, you're WEIRD. Eventually I started to like myself a little bit more, realized I was a bit raving and finally, became mortified that I'd tormented the guy like that by giving him torrential downpours of the inside of my brain. Instead of being a normal person who would apologize or just leave the man in peace however, I tried to talk to him after shows when I was annihilated drunk and did things like, brought him a box of cereal to the band house (yeah, no gray in that at all, just nutso). Ah well, sometimes you never make up for the stupid things you do when you're...well, stupid.
Joe Tutlo stalking aside, I LOVED (love!) this band. These guys have the most incredible stage presence, every one of them giving something different. And they sing what you know and love and they are GOOD at it. So you have these five guys making a huge difference in my life and then BAM! my sister gets sick. And you thought they couldn't have made more of a difference than what they already did.
The thing is with Kate is that she ALWAYS wanted to be a follower like JP and I. She loved them too. But her social anxiety and inability to handle extreme crowds well, meant she didn't come to as many shows as we did. But she always wanted to, always pumped me for info after shows. So when she was so sick she needed a wheelchair and those guys invited her in for a sound check at the paddock, set up a couch with blankets for her to lay on, and sang directly to her....they did something I will never EVER forget or be grateful ENOUGH for. I hope, beyond hope, that they know what they did for her. It was SOMETHING. And when she was only a week left for this world (although of course we didn't know it), Bryen came to her house with his guitar and sang to her in her hospital bed in the living room. She was too weak to fist pump or or sing along, but she mouthed the words and signed I LOVE YOU with pointer, pinky, thumb. What Bryen did is something only a selfless, incredibly big hearted person would have done.
He sealed our fates together forever, and not in the scary Tutlo stalking way I had tried to do. He gave of himself, just like all five of them do every single time they take the stage. And there's magic in that. It changed me, and I'll forever be grateful.
