Recently, someone gave me possibly the best compliment I have ever received. She said that she, and her fellow nurses, studied their craft in college, learned HOW to be nurses. She said, what I can do, with the pen, cannot be taught. That I have a gift. And she had a hard time getting it out because she got a little choked up. Which choked me up! I should probably include the fact that I had just given a eulogy and we were at a memorial service so we were all a bit teary and emotional.
However....
I am a writer. I write because it feels good and right and it's easy and natural. But I don't make money writing (yet??). And I'm worried because I don't technically have a job (kinda. sorta.). Once I'm finished cleaning out Ingrid's house and closing the estate, I will truly actually not have a job. And it's scary because I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I CAN do. I know many things that I DON'T want to do and I know the only thing I CARE about doing. So I've been spending a lot of time lately analyzing myself, who I am and what would be good for me. I've come up with a lot of things but zero percent of them will help me get a job. But still. It's fun. It's rambling and random and here is a bit of it:
I wish I had a college degree. Or that I could be one of those perpetual college students that takes courses every semester just to learn more stuff. Facebook has become depressing but I still can't quit it. I know how to drive a school bus and crack open a safe. I have learned how to STFU in way more situations than I used to be able to. I am disorganized. I don't make my bed. I know how to put feelings into words that invoke more feelings. I will kick your ass at Ruzzle. I am ordained and can write some freakin' sweet wedding vows and then marry you. I wish I talked to all of my cousins more. I'd like to be a drifter. I love my house but I'm not very good at taking care of it properly. I want to know birds by their call and flowers by their petals like my Dad and uncle Jody. I wish I had one of those round bubbly black girl butts. I love round bubbly black girl butts. Sometimes I'm a fantastic cook and sometimes I destroy food horribly. I am rational. I am observant. I am an optimist. I have a horribly memory. I have poor hearing. I often think that I can't wait to tell Kate something, and then I remember.
I think Hanna is the greatest person I know. I don't like the act of waking up in the morning but once I'm awake I love the morning and I'm a morning person. I need a lot of "do nothing" time. I spend more time playing video games than I should. I think life is way simpler than most people make it out to be. I don't sweat the small stuff. I almost always remember my dreams. I am extremely impatient. Extremely. I can't sit behind a desk. I have a perfect driving record. I want to wear more dresses. I'm often self deprecating but honestly, I think I'm pretty great. I don't embarrass easily. I talk easily about poo and farts and fat. I enjoy senior citizens. I don't watch the news. I love Chip.
Now. If anyone can read between the lines and tell me what all of this means and what career path I should take, please advise. My book is finished, ready for agency. If anyone knows someone who knows someone, please advise. And finally, if you're reading this blog, share it with a friend! Or seven.
:-)
