Parental Fail

Fourteen year olds do not need a smart phone. Or children of any age. Smart phones are ruining your children. That I am aware, Hanna is the only one of her friends that does not have a smart phone. Which also makes her the only one, when in a social situation, who is head up, facing the other humans, ready to engage in that thing called conversation. The rest are head down, thumbs flying.

It’s awful. 

And to be clear, if you are my friend, and your child has a smart phone, I don’t meant to offend you. But it’s awful. 

There is nothing, NOTHING anyone can say to convince me that the smart phone for your child was/is/will be a good idea. I’m not even sold on ANY phone for children though I do see a few merits in that. But it took me a long time. Hanna was also the last of her friends just to GET a (flip phone) phone at twelve. 

This is not to say I’m against technology. Hanna has an iPad which they use at school every single day and it is very useful. The games are fun, having all your music right there on one device is wonderful. I admit, I would feel lost without Google. 

My concern becomes when you give the world wide internet to a child/teenager and make it mobile so they can access it any time any place so easily, why WOULDN’T she? Candy crush is fun. Getting likes feels good. But so does smoking pot and getting drunk. Instant gratification is the new norm and we are in a race to give it to our kids faster than our neighbors and co-workers.

We are a nation that does not tell our children no anymore. We have NOT become our mothers and we WON’T ask you if you’d jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it because if someone could video you doing it and post it on YouTube before you hit bottom, that might make it ok. 

I have seen with my own eyes Hanna standing in a group of her friends, IN A SOCIAL SITUATION and all of them except for her are on their phones and she is just standing there.  I know I cannot be the only person to have screams of WHY WHY WHY?? going through my head at this situation.

And let me stop you before you start: if you are going to tell me that you gave your child a smart phone but put limits and restrictions on him, save your breath. Mostly because I don’t believe you but also because the limits and restrictions still don’t erase the fact that you caved in the first place man.

Of course we are raising a nation of entitled brats….we give them whatever they want. Remember when our parents told us if we wanted something bad enough we had to work hard for it? Remember when hanging out with our friends meant walking our street or skateboarding or riding bikes or goofing off and listening to records and making lists of the things we’d have in our shared NYC apartment and the names of our future children. Remember when during car rides we TALKED? Or sang? Or endured a silence that made us – gasp – THINK? 

If we punish our children and tell them to go ‘reflect’ on their actions they will probably ask us what the hell reflect means. Reflection is for priests and Buddhists and such. Not for people who have snaps to be chatting and KIKS to be ….uh….kikking? Our kids don’t do things anymore because it’s the right (most of the time harder) thing to do. Now they just do it for the vine. 

If it’s just as cheap on your cell plan to add the smart phone it doesn’t mean you HAVE to. If you give it to them as a reward for good grades or good behavior, maybe we should take YOURS away for poor decision making. If you want to reward them, take them camping or to Six Flags. You know, spend TIME with them where you might have to TALK. 

I’m not saying that your child shouldn’t have or be a part of social media (I’ll say that next blog), but I’m saying they don’t need to have it in their pocket 24/7. I’m saying that our children should be able to fill their time, downtime or social time or free time without the help of a smart phone. Mine can do it. And that’s not a boast, she SHOULD be able to. Can yours?

 

  

Finding the Sanity

So I wrote a book and now I’m a paranoid schizophrenic. I’ve published it myself on Amazon. Meaning you can only get it digitally. If you have a Kindle you can read it on that. But there are so many ways around not having a Kindle. My Aunt Ang has a Nook and she downloaded the free Kindle app onto her Nook and read it that way. If you have a smart phone or a tablet or an iPad or anything with internet you can download the Kindle app or even a free eReader from Amazon.

But you can’t hold the book in your hands and read it. Because I’m too impatient? Because it isn’t good enough? Because the world just doesn’t realize the amazingness of it all yet? Because you just can’t.

I’m ecstatic. I’m giddy!!! It’s truly the moment of all moments in my life! Isn’t it? Did I make a mistake? I sent it out to agents and got rejected. A lot. But everyone does right? (really, they do. Really.)

And then I read an article about the way writers are taking their own fate into their own hands and “making it happen!” woohoo! So I did it. I stopped hating on digital books. I embraced my Kindle. I love the thing! (do you believe me yet?) (more importantly, do I believe me yet?) I sent it to an editor for some developmental editing. I tortured my BFF Asha into helping me do copy editing (which I am very very terrible at doing so if you try to make sense of the comma situation, you will probably go cray).

I paid someone to create my cover (lysyee of 99designs). And I did it. But should I have done it? Is it good enough (this is rhetorical!!!) ?? And here goes my brain:

Duh! Of Course it’s good enough. It’s brilliant.

Oh God it’s so awful. It’s smut. It’s garbage. Everyone will hate it.

Now that’s just being silly. SOME people won’t hate it.

They better not because it’s so good!

What does it matter? Who did you write it for?

Shhhhh. Mom, your voice inside my head isn’t welcome in this convo.

She has a point.

I wrote it for the world so the world needs to love it!

You know how asinine that statement is right?

Yes. Fine. Some will like it some won’t.

Ok. Good. Conversation over. I’m ok.

But there were only 2 downloads yesterday and no new reviews for a week you know…..

Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

And just writing this all down has helped me realize I’m being nuts. I’m stepping away from the amazon author report page.

Will it be a printed, real, hold in your hands and turn the pages book one day? Hopefully. If not, it still came from me. I did it. I DID IT! Take that schizophrenia!!!!

Here’s the link if you don’t know already (or haven’t seen it the nauseating number of times I’ve talked about it on facebook or twitter or instagram). You can read sample chapters on amazon too!

I’m going to go and keep working on book #2. To start this whole process all over again. What’s the definition of insanity again??

http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Gray-Sara-Landers-ebook/dp/B00JPYW4ME/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399388685&sr=8-1&keywords=finding+the+gray

Need vs. Want

I've been at my new job for 9 months now. I've reached full gestation and I'm ready to spit this baby out. I have no idea what that means but since it's been 9 months I wanted to use that phrase. I'm not spitting anything out and I don't have any kind of baby, job or otherwise.

But this new job of mine (dazzling friendly parts dealer at your neighborhood appliance store. I sling dryer belts and ignitors!) has me realizing that many MANY people are confused in the need vs want department. I'd like to just clear it up a bit.

And here's my disclaimer:
I'm not telling anyone that they shouldn't be able to spend their hard earned money on whatever the heck they want to spend it on. What I'm saying is that sometimes, having an excess of hard earned money (or easily earned money, money freely gotten, whatever, just money) causes people to forget that what they NEED, what they WANT and what they DESERVE are not the same.

So here we go:

If your dishwasher breaks, leaks, stops mid cycle, or just refuses to clean your dishes anymore, you don't  have to call the repair place crying, screaming, cussing or being huffy. You just need to remember what you have forgotten. You HAVE a dishwasher that works. It is called left hand and right hand. Or your children's hands, if you have them. The amount of people acting like oxygen deprived maniacs who must have a working dishwasher or the world will come to a complete halt has been the most shocking part of my new gig.

And oh-my-jesus it's the day before christmas and you're having 14 people over and what, pray tell will you do without a working dishwasher???? Fourteen people you say? That's 28 hands!
Imagine that, instead of spending that energy on the dry heaves you're having because you're so worked up about the repair man not being able to come RIGHTTHISSECOND, that you told all your guests, with a gracious chuckle, that the dishwasher broke and you're washing, who's drying? Sometimes, the most fun we have after a family meal is all hanging in the kitchen chatting, arguing, horsing around, while washing the dishes.

If you have the type of guests that will look down on your for having a broken dishwasher, or that aren't willing to lend a hand and make it a group effort, then like mother used to say, they aren't friends worth having.

Your oven stopped cooking while the turkey was halfway done? Your frig conked out the morning of the big feast? Your dryer won't dry your clothes? Those things SUCK, they really do. But think about the hilarity of the story you could be telling in ten years to your kids, grandkids, whomever - if you don't LET it destroy your holiday.


   .....and we had the turkey, in the roasting pan in the back seat of the car to take it to Susie's house and use her oven, halfway cooked, covered in foil and we made Johnny sit on the floor next to it and dad stopped at a red light and sloshed turkey juice all over the place and the car smelled like Butterball for a month!

C'mon, it's a little funny.

Here's the point. We have gotten so used to having it all, that when something happens to disrupt our vision of how our life SHOULD be, we get all bent out of shape and crazy and make ourselves, and our poor appliance service people's lives miserable.

God forbid have to roll down your window by hand anymore. Wash a dish with soap and water. Hang a towel to air dry. Look up a word in a big dusty book on the bookshelf because Wifi is down. (remember dictionaries??) Oh the inconvenience!!!!!

This is our mindset:
I worked hard for this money and I choose to spend it on these devices and contraptions and service agreements that will make my life easier and I paid my good hard earned money for it so they damn well better work and work right every single time. And if they don't i'm gonna bitch and i'm gonna bitch hard and loud because I don't deserve this and SOMEBODY better make it right.

This is the truth:
Nothing is perfect. Control boards fail. Mechanical parts break. Stupid, inconvenient, annoying stuff HAPPENS. It does. And it will forever.  And you getting all worked up about it will not erase it or take it back or make it UNhappen.


So make this choice. Laugh it off. Heave a sigh and bang your dammit doll against the wall a few times. Then think about the people in this world who don't even have a dish to wash. Who are stuck in the hospital getting chemo but would LOVE to have to wash every single dish in your household if they could trade places with you. Who just lost their home and everything they possess because a typhoon scooped their house up and carried it out to sea but would love to have all of your clothing even though they would have to wash AND dry it by hand.

Lucky you to have these things, even if when they break it is a giant pain in the bum.
Use your energy for something else.
Be grateful for all that OTHER stuff you have that you don't really need.
And be nice to your repairman when he gets to your house, HE is your savior after all.