Happy.

I like me.

This took a long time!! Don't get me wrong - I am in the gray. Sometimes I do NOT like me, or more specifically, I do not like the decisions that ME makes. And sometimes I like me too much. There are times I need a ladder to get down from the horse.

But still. For the most part:
I.
Like.
Me!

And in learning to like me... I learned all about me. I learned what I like and what I don't like. What I can tolerate and what I can't tolerate (which it turns out is very little). I learned how to live life in that smooth groove of happiness. Sometimes I careen up onto the edge and I'm away from the "sweet spot" or sometimes (especially around the 28th day) I dip into the depths and become needy, irascible and weepy. But I'm very good at maintaining the happy road for the most part.

And there you have it. The answer.
People will buy books, take pills, go to seminars looking for the secret of happiness. Here it is:

KNOW yourself.
LIKE yourself.

I have been thinking about writing this blog for a long time. It has been hard to come up with those two tenets above. Because often when I think about things that make me happy (which there are many many many!!), I think - ok - this is it. THIS is what creates true happiness. But then I realize that without those two little golden rules above, all the little things wouldn't be making me so happy.

So that's it. Those two things. HOW do you achieve them? Get divorced, go to therapy, get married and divorced again, continue therapy, be a single mom who does not date for several years while in therapy, be quite pudgy, have a sister get cancer and die, quit your job to work as a personal assistant and then have your new boss die.
So yeah.
The point is this: When bad things happen, LEARN from them. LEARRRRRRRN FROMMMM THEMMMMMMM.

And it will take more than one lesson. That is an entire paragraph of horrible shit up there. And every one of those things made me get to know myself a little more. The more I learned about myself the more I was able to say, ok - don't care for this bit of me so let me fix it. Oooooh I really do like this about myself, I'll hone that.

And it's a work in progress. Which is one of the sub-thingys of happiness. BE FLEXIBLE. People who are too rigid, don't bend or sway, people who see everything in black and white seem quite unpleasant and unhappy.

Here is a handy list of the small things that contribute to my own personal happiness (but seriously, they are awesome things, they could contribute to yours too!):

BE GRATEFUL
I think this is the number one thing. Go back to an old post on this blog from Father's Day and read my fairy tale. That is the gist of this rule. When you are grateful for what you DO have, it makes what you DON'T have inconsequential. Be awed by the little things. Sunrises and sunsets, a good hair day, the way the cracks in the sidewalk are shaped like a heart, the smell of a campfire, when you get the parking spot closest to the door.

MUSIC
Whichever genre you prefer, listen to it at a really high volume during your favorite time of day. I am a morning person. I am full of energy, my ego is not depleted (more on that very real phenomena here), and I am full of coffee and breakfast. Blasting music in the car on the way to work has me arriving to work actually GIDDY. Sometimes I go into the routing assistants' office and do the running man. Which gives everyone a very hearty laugh so the happiness (and maybe a little fear) is just spread all over the place. Whatever your time of day is, blast some music that you love. It's a very real happiness generator. Just look.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS
Here is where many will stop reading. That's cool. But if you would just take my advice, your standards would be low enough to read my drivel and you might just learn something. All I'm saying is to pay close attention to need versus want. If your wants are going largely unfulfilled and its because they are actually financially or physically or mentally out of your do-ability range, let it go. Be happy with less. Now please please pleeeeeeeeeease don't misunderstand me. Reach for the stars. Follow your dreams. If you can dream it you can do it. Yes, Yes, those are also good pieces of advice. Except when they are not. How do you know?
Look at the happiness factor. How happy could you be without it? Would getting it cause you greater unhappiness than the happiness you will be rewarded with at the end? WHY do you want it? I'm just saying to analyze how much the desire and inability to achieve or get something is weighing on you and would you be happier to just let it go? If it's important enough to you to go for it anyway, then duh.
But you might find that you can actually create a list of things that ARE that important to you and focusing on that list will make all the smaller, less important things become...well - less important. And the list will morph over time. Growth and flexibility baby!

FIND YOUR TOLERANCE LEVEL
This has been very instrumental in my joy. I found that watching the news just made me sangry. Sad and angry all the time. So I quit. Ignorance is bliss friends. And I understand that news free lifestyle is not for everyone. I'm just using it as my own example. Facebook, religion, the news, sitting among a group of coworkers who are heavily gossiping. I can't. So I quit all those things. Just WALK AWAY from the things that annoy you and you can't change anyway. Fill your life with the things that bring you joy. I take a LOT of hikes. I watch birds. Spend time with my family. Play games and do puzzles. Read. Volunteer. Dance.
Less annoyance in your life = More Happiness.
Don't forget that you can't change the actions of others, you can only change your reaction to them.
Remember that sentence. It's very helpful. Thanks Mom.

FIND THE GRAY
Read almost any post in this entire blog to understand what this means. BE FLEXIBLE. Remember that nearly all situations have a could-be-better, could-be-worse scenario. Consider the middle ground. Moderation is your bud. Lots of things aren't as bad as they seem.

DON'T HATE YOUR JOB
This one is very tricky because some people can't change their job even if they really want to. I understand. I have been stuck in jobs that make me extremely unhappy before. But if you lower your standards it might be worth it because you know...Biggie knew.

BE KIND
It feels great. For everyone involved. I'll end with this perfect quote from Maya Angelou:

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.